BurtonReviews Wants to Pitch You Something (I Hope is Cool): Mr Nice Guy

So, I want to try something new. On a daily basis I have these ideas bouncing around my thought box. While most are weird, absurd, and never should be spoken out loud  in fear of no one ever wanting to speak to me ever again. But, once in a blue moon, one idea ricochets off my skull that is actually of some worth and I just can't shake it. For days I'm playing the scenarios of the story over and over again, each time adding new layers, expanding the story into a more cohesive and living, breathing form.  And having idea's like this stuck in your mind can drive you crazy, I bet my friends are sick of hearing me pitch these ideas as a way of trying to release the pressure in my mind as the stories I have concocted are just itchy to burst out and exist in the real world. So, to relieve this pressure, I thought why not release the skeleton of the idea in a new series and see what people think, whether it’s “you’re a crazy idiot,” or, “yo that’s pretty good,” I don’t mind; I would just like to thank you for letting BurtonReviews Pitch You Something (I hope is Cool).

To start off I think this story would be best brought to life in a TV series or comic book, the long form of short(ish), but sweet episodic content would allow the characters to grow in a natural and well-paced way and it’d allow whoever chooses to experience this to really become engrossed in the world. Of the story so far I have the first 3 issues, or episodes, in mind, some of the minor details are sketchy, but you should get the general idea:

The story begins with a 17-year-old boy sitting on the edge of a roof, sobbing down onto a shrivelled piece of paper in his hands. The only sound you can hear is this boy’s crying, the rest of his body is in a constant state of flux, but his hands and this piece of paper remain dead-still no matter the other shifts in his body. The sky is a deep grey, where the clouds seem to have consumed the sky in their drab. The boy is in a black pea-coat and blue scarf and he looks like your average every day teen, a couple of spots, spiked brown hair and converse to literally boot. Following is a close up of his face, his emotions are uncontrollable, the pain he is feeling has overcome him and these tears are his only outlet. But behind him a shadowed figure appears out of the roof’s exit/entrance. The shadowed figure immediately begins to speak; shouting “Hey Scott, what you doing up here all alone,” the shadowed figure comes into the light and sits next to Scott. The shadowed figure, now revealed to the audience, is another 17-year-old boy, incredibly skinny to where this fact is prominent in every single one of his features, his eyes seem sunk into his skull, his cheeks are thin and concaving into his face and his clothes seem 2 sizes too large and are about to bury him in their fabric. He has shaved hair, but clearly not by choice as the lining of the stubble like hair that is left clearly shows a badly receding hair line. Scott tries to wipe away the tears and hide the piece of paper before the boy arrives by his side, but the boy had noticed Scott’s pain from the moment he stepped on the roof. As the boy sits beside Scott he puts his hand on his back, the boy then continues to fill the next minute or so with strange inside jokes the two have obviously concocted and evolved over the years for them to get this absurd. His effort to try and cheer up Scott is bringing a slight smile to Scott’s face, but the occasional tear still breaks out of his eye. Seeing the jovial approach isn’t working, the boy begins to become more serious consoling Scot in knowing “no matter what, he will always have this goof,” pointing his stick like finger at his chest, his clothes waving in the air around his thin body at every movement he does, “as his best friend.” Scott replies “Sorry Brent, I don’t think even you could fix this one, I thought this view would help,” “ah, our favourite part of the city, the only place that reminds us: this place ain’t so bad after all,” Brent interrupts, “exactly,” Scott continues, “but it just seems to be making everything worse.” There’s a solemn silence that follows until Brent shakes his head, almost zapping himself out of the heavy situation, he leaps up and begins to march to the roof exit while announcing, “screw it buddy, sitting around here being beat up by your thoughts never helped anyone, now are you gonna come along and have a movie marathon with me where we can eat too many snacks and comment on how every choice the director made was the opposite of sane and well-planned out or are you gonna stay here and have 100 times less fun?” He ends his holding the door open with one hand as the other is stretched out, enticing Scott to follow with, “come one, which will it be?” we return to the shot of the close up, Brent in the blurred background as the camera slowly beings to pan to the left, Brent is cut out of the shot and the brightness that seemed to enter with Brent dissipates as a narration from Scott begins: “At least that’s what he would say if he were still here.” Scott takes a deep breath, the arched smile Brent had been able to conjure out of him drops. He pats his breast pocket, where he had hid the piece of paper, and stands up. Looking over the horizon of sky scrapers, cars flitting from one place to the other, all to a darkening still grey sky. The sound of the cars and general hustle and bustle of life beings to seep in and overwhelm as Scott asks: “Right Brent, where to Next?”

A cut to black fades into the next scene. Over the rest of the issue or episode we follow Scott visiting various place of seemingly no connection. An old, degrading kids park, the local comic book shop, the town’s last surviving area of greenery. At each we, with Scott, experience one of his memories here with Brent, how they met, the fun they had that bonded them together. Slowly, however, the memories become less and less fun, the colour palette of them less and less bright until they surpass the muted aesthetic of the present day and become dark and grimy. And with this visual change in the so too does the content of the memories. Brent’s happy go lucky approach to life is dulled and seemingly beaten further and further down in each visit to the past. Scott tries to ignore this shift in his friend’s attitude and continue as normal, but it becomes impossible as his friend begins to shut down. Then we get to see the route of Brent’s change in attitude. One day after school Scott is walking to go to an after school session with his English teacher to revise for the upcoming exams and sees Brent being forced into the locker room by several other students. The obvious jock types with more muscle mass than intelligence. Scott follows and sees the students beat Brent with both fists and comments. They then strip him to his underwear and run off with his clothes, laughing hysterically as they sprint down the hall, the laughs echoing. Scott, hidden from both bullies and Brent is overcome by shock and fear and left before the jocks. He continues down to his English class, the echoed laugh haunting him as much as the sobbing of his best friend. This raw sound echoes through the transition into present day where Scott is still at the park. He begins to take the piece of paper out of his coat as another memory proceeds. This is the last time Scott saw Brent. Brent is waiting outside of the school, as he always did for Scott on Thursdays to walk home with his friend on the one day they both didn’t have something after school to do. Brent is nervously looking around for his friend, but Scott is already gone. Scott left through a different door to avoid Brent, He is watching Brent from the distance and is tempted to go to his friend as he has done thousands of times in the past, but is held hostage by his shame and leaves Brent waiting in the cold, darkening afternoon. Now, back in the present, we finally get to see what is on this protected piece of paper Scott has been carrying around from the start. It is the suicide note Brent left. As a narration of Brent reading the note plays we see how Scott thinks the suicide happened. Brent crying as he does the long walk up to the roof from the opening. Brent writing the note and leaving it weighed down by his bag on the roof. Brent stepping onto the edge of the roof, his tears flying off his face into the wind as his clothes flutter uncontrollably in it too. Then from a shot of his back, he stands facing the horizon and takes his last step, vanishing down underneath the roofs edge. From here we get quick flashes of the news report of Brent’s death, the funeral and Brent’s devastated parents as they pass Scott the note, Scott in school, alone in class, then haunted in the locker room and then to present day as Scott screams his unfiltered pain as he falls to his knees and arches down to shout and cry into the grass as the narration of the note ends and the screen fades to black. The note speaks on how Brent felt alone, a mistake that should have never been given life, that he was wasting the time and effort of people around him, that they deserved better than he could ever give and that the greatest thing that he could do for them was go, that not existing was the only peace he could find for himself, or the ones he loved.

Hard cut to a red eyed Scott walking home in the dark. He hears a man and a woman in a struggle down an alley way. There is a singular light casting the shadow of this fight down the alley way to Scott. He stops, examines the shadow, but in the end decides to leave. The moment in the locker room replays in his mind, the images of that event getting more violent, visceral and louder in his thoughts until he is brought to a standstill. Cut to the mugger trying to take the woman’s purse that she is clinging onto for dear life. The mugger is tapped on the shoulder, startled he lets to woman go. She falls to the ground after her aggressive counter weight release his grip without giving her chance to stop pulling so furiously on the purse. Confused and shouting profanities left right and centre he asks, “what the hell do you think you are doing here kid, go away before I do something you’ll regret.” Scott, pumped full of adrenalin and anger from the emotionally charged day he has just endured replies in a shaken voice, trembling on every syllable, “yeah, well, why don’t you pick on—actually why is that a saying, you shouldn’t pick on anybody re—“ before Scott can finish the mugger smacks him in the jaw. Scott coils back and turns in pain, but without really thinking, takes the scarf from his neck with one hand, quickly raps it around the other fist, turns and lets out all his anger in one devastating punch that sends the mugger twisting into the wall of the alleyway and then to the floor in a puddle of drool. Shocked by the events of the last 5 seconds the alleyway is plunged into a silence. The woman, jaw open sits starring at Scott as he is transfixed on the knocked out mugger he is responsible for. His eyes static, he raises his head to the woman, “have a nice rest of your day,” Scott’s voice is now stable and paced, the woman nods, jaw still ajar, and Scott, still full of adrenalin, proceeds to run home, scarf wrapped around his hand and a look of conviction in his eyes.

End of issue/Episode 1.

Issue 2 or episode 2 opens with a nerdy girl, pigtails and glasses way too big for her freckled face, having her books thrown onto the ground by some school bullies. They begin to berate her, as school bullies do, as they keep her in the corner of a hallway. Scott is walking by this scene and without a second of hesitation walks up to the scene and makes his way through the barrier of bullies that is confining the girl to the corner. They try and push him back, screaming not so very nice words and nicknames into his face, but Scott is un-phased, with his eyes locked forward toward the girl in need. Once he makes his way through the barrier to the other side he begins to pick up the girls books, all the time the bullies are still persisting to shout awful things to Scott’s back. While picking up the books he begins to talk to the nerdy girl, who at this point is shocked and confused to why this random guy is putting himself through this for someone he has never even seen, never mind spoken to. “Hey, don’t worry, names Scott, just trying to help you have a nice day, here.” He hands her the books, her face still in a state of bewilderment. As the books leave Scott’s hands, one of the bullies grabs his shoulder. “I’ll be right back,” Scott assures the confused nerdy girl. Scott is then pulled back to face the bullies and is beaten to the ground. After a few kicks to him whilst he’s down the bullies feel they have filled their douchebag quota for the day and leave, forgetting the nerdy girl is even there. Scott begins to collect himself and tries to stand up but falls to the wall slipping back down. Before hitting the floor an arm comes and helps hoist Scott up. The nerdy girl, struggling to hold Scott up, helps him up. The arm up turns into a hug as the girl says, “you’re either crazy stupid or the only nice guy in this whole school, either way, thanks,” she tip toes up to kiss him on the cheek then runs down the hall to her class. Scott, struggling to keep up on his feet, gestures a thumbs up to the wrong direction and stumbles to his next class.

There potential to help someone else arises as a girl in his class comes in late and has to sit in the only available seat next to Scott. This girl is Raven, short-ish black hair with purple streaks that flows of her the left side of her face. She’s the tuff girl in school, an outcast to the popular prom-queens of the social ladder, Raven is less Little Mix, more Paramore, she has the punk-rock boots, sleeveless shirt exclaiming a screaming skull aflame and black leather jacket to prove it. After Scott’s awkward attempt at trying to talk to her for more than 2 seconds there interaction throughout the class is brief at best.

Until Scott notices bruises up her arms and a black eye she is trying to mask with her hair. Scott offers a hand of help to her asking if she got mugged or if someone at home did this to her but Scott is stone-walled at every question being told to “leave it.” So of course after school Scott follows her to see where she is getting these horrible injuries from. Hoping he doesn’t get mistaken for a stalker and arrested himself, Scott follows Raven to an abandoned warehouse where she enters through a door locked by keypad. Through Scott’s totally not stalker binoculars he sees the code she puts in and follows.

On entering the warehouse Scott discovers exactly where she got the bruises from. Inside he is greeted to an almost militaristic training ground where 5 or so men and women are engaging in exercises that make Scott’s arms ache just from the sight of them, all to the backdrop of a wall lengthed banner reading “Vigilante Task Force” with the symbol of an almost medieval shield that has the words wrapped upon it. Confused, scared, and excited all at the same time Scott clambers to cover. Then, the presumed leader of the group, the blonde buzz cut and handle bar moustache give it away, calls for two other members to fight in the middle of the while the rest of the group, including Raven, watch. Scott is transfixed by this brutal showing of strength and mastery. He moves around the available cover of the shelved weights and piles of crash mattes but knocks over a dumbbell whilst trying to get the perfect view. The fight is halted to a standstill and everyone in the room is now starring at a awkwardly positioned Scott as he was trying to climb some of the makeshift monkey bars the group had made out of scaffolding. “Hi…”, Scott says nervously as Raven, shocked at how stupid this kid is face palms, “nice…everything you got…here,” with a big breath and unhooking his leg from the scaffolding “well I best be off, curry tonight so can’t be late.” Handlebar Moustache lets out an ear piercing whistle and the rest of the room storms for Scott, on him in millisecond Scott is sent flying into the wall as we cut to black.

End of issue 2, or the mid break of episode 2 for a TV show.

The next part/issue opens up with Scott slowly re-emerging from unconsciousness to slowly realise he is tied upside down, bound by the legs and arms. Obviously panicked, Scott wriggles furiously to get out of his rope shackles. This commotion interrupts a conversation between the mysterious members of the vigilante group debating over what to do about the "intruder." The handlebar moustache leader approaches the upside down Scott and uses all of his bravado to try and scare off the incessantly inquisitive Scott who is enamoured with this secret league of do-gooders. Pleading to join them Scott is denied by the leader, and when he tries to gain the approval from classmate Raven, he is met with a stern, "You're not cut out for this, listen to the man and leave." Scott is tossed out of the supped-up warehouse and told to forget tonight ever happened. But of course Scott doesn’t forget and in-fact he doesn’t leave. Scott stays at the door until 6 the next morning when the approach of the start of school is the thing that makes him leave the front door of the warehouse. In school Scott finds Raven and begs to join. Instead of the resounding: "yes, of course, join the super-secret vigilante club house-posse;" he actually gets a right arse kicking and told to once again "forget last night ever happened."

From this point on, down-not-out, Scott doesn’t pest Raven like a desperate puppy dog, but instead, just continues helping people out. Raven then sees his good deeds throughout the weeks, including his dropping off painkillers on her desk after he has seen she has taken a lot of injuries the night before. Scott's determination and restraint, never goading for a "thank you," slowly garners silent respect for Scott.

After weeks and weeks of this Scott is finally allowed into the super-secret vigilante club house-posse, on a probational basis of course.

And that is really all I have so far, from here it could go anywhere. I have a few loose ideas, like the final test for Scott's full initiation being a fight with Raven, and the vigilantes being connected to the police as one commissioner's secret task force to stop the crimes that the restrictive grip of the law won't let her. 

But one thing that I do have nailed down is the name and costume for Scott's vigilante presence. Now the name does sound a bit cheesy, or as one friend said, "super-creepy," but for the character, and this universe, I think it fits super-well. So I hope you all had fun meeting Scott aka Mr. Nice Guy. His costume would be an almost swat-like helmet, yellow tinted goggles, a yellow bandana with a big black lined smile (like an emoji if you really need a comparison, but ya know, cooler) on the lower half of his face, black leather jacket with pads on the elbows, with the smiley face sprayed on the back of the coat, a grey Kevlar shirt with the smiley face sprayed on, black trousers with pads on the knees and big combat boots. His weapon would be a black baseball bat with a yellow smiley face on the end of the bat.

So this was my pitch for a (hopefully) cool beginning for a grounded 'superhero' tale. If you enjoyed this pitch, and this style of article please let me know and voice your opinions down below. And most of all, thank you for letting this professional day-dreamer vent.

By Sam Burton